You Know My Name
Ah, those great lyricists, The Beatles:
Me: "Today's topic is market segmentation and targeting."
They're thrilled. I can tell.
There ensues a lecture with lots of boring stuff from the textbook, leading up to this slide:
Me: "I want you to think about the person you imagine wearing this watch, that is, the typical customer. This particular Rolex, by the way, is owned by a friend of mine. I want you to tell me about him."
Student: "He's between the ages of 35 and 45."
Me: "He's a particular person, remember, not an age range. How old is he?"
Student: "37."
Me: "And you're saying he's a man, right, not a woman? In other words, demographic segmentation, specifically gender, is relevant?"
Student: "Well, it's a man's watch."
Me: "True. OK, you're right. His name is Jack, by the way. So tell me more about Jack. What does he do for a living?"
Student: "He's a businessman."
Me: "You mean he owns a business?"
Student: "No, he works for a business."
Me: "Can you be more specific? What kind of work does he do?"
Another student: "He's in sales."
Me: "Good guess! He's a sales engineer for a large software company. Where does he live?"
Student: "In a really nice apartment."
Me: "Where in the world?"
Student: "In Toronto."
Me: "Is geographic segmentation relevant to this product category?"
Student: "No, but the fact that he lives in a big city is relevant to his... personality."
Student: "Psychographics!"
Me: "Excellent! Jack lives in San Francisco, so you're certainly on the right track. What kind of car does he drive?"
Student: "A Lexus!"
Student: "A BMW!"
Student: "A Honda!"
Me: "A Honda?"
Laughter.
Me: "Be specific — don't just give me brand, give me model. Oh, and Jack actually has three cars. Yes, really. What kind of car do you imagine the wearer of this watch to drive?"
Student: "A BMW 5-series."
Me: "Whoa, you are freaking me out! Jack has two BMW's, and one is a 1992 5-series that he is emotionally attached to because he's had it for years. What's the other one?"
Student: "A 7-series?"
Me: "Better..."
Student: "Not an M5!!"
Me: "Oh yes. An M5."
Envious sighs from several boys in the class.
Me: "OK, now the third car spends most of its time in storage. It's not his main car, it's more of a specialty. What is it?"
Student: "A Corvette!"
Student: "An old MG!"
Student: "An old Beetle convertible!"
Me: "I wonder why none of you is saying a Toyota Celica?"
Laughter.
Me: "I'll give you a hint: Remember when we talked about consumer behaviour last week, and I told you the car that is my aspirational goal?"
Many students simultaneously: "A Porsche!"
Me: "Be... specific..."
Three students simultaneously: "Carrera!"
Me: "Amazing! Are you sure you don't know Jack?"
Laughter.
Me: "What else can you tell me about him? Give me some psychographic bases of segmentation."
Student: "He likes to go hiking and stuff like that. You know, an outdoorsy-type. That would be... lifestyle?"
Me: "It's lifestyle, yes. How many of you think Jack lives that sort of lifestyle? That he's the outdoorsy type?"
Student: "No way! He's the kind of person who cares a lot about his surroundings. He lives in a really nice place; probably has a big home theatre setup."
Student: "And a computer, but a really good one, all loaded; the best of everything."
Student: "He's probably into music."
Me: "Interesting. Why do you say that?"
Student: "Because he's your friend."
Laughter. I hear a voice to my right mumble "Green Day", and, barely audible from the left, "Offspring." I am simultaneously thrilled that they are getting the point, and a little scared that they know me too well.
Student: "He's the kind of guy who pays other people to do stuff for him."
Me: "Funny you should say that. He told me a while ago that he sends his laundry out to be done. I don't mean just the drycleaning, I mean everything. Sends it out to someplace, and it gets returned to him all nice and folded."
Murmurs of disbelief that such a thing is possible.
Me: "And you thought I was — what's the word I'm looking for here? — a spendthrift — because I told you I go out of my way to find gas stations where they'll pump the gas for me. Not all consumers are price-sensitive about the same thing. Marketing is about providing customer value, but what the customer deems to be of value is a highly personal decision. It's hard to get into the mind of the consumer. You guys must be mind readers or something. What else do you know about Jack?"
Student: "He's very particular about his appearance. Probably because he works in sales... he's a bit, um <hesitantly>, showy."
Me: "That's OK, you go right ahead and call him a showoff. You know what? I think he'd be OK with that."
Laughter.
I'm just fine with it, myself.
I did not tell my students that the watch is unusually heavy. I did not tell them that I know this because I've held it. Jack never takes his watch off, not even to go surfing. But he did take it off once, in the middle of the night, so as to avoid bonking me in the head with it.
When the class was over the student, a girl, who had hesitantly called Jack a showoff said to me, "He's really good looking, too, isn't he? And probably tall."
I may have blushed, then. I sure hope not, but I think I probably did.
Me: "Now, what makes you say that?"
Student: "Just your voice."
*Postmodern postscript: This song was the B-side of Let It Be.
* * *
Go to the next story, in which Sass tries on a meme for size. To find out how Jack got his name (and how Sass got hers), go here. Later, Postmodern Sass is hypnotized by her students, and baffled by their performance on their midterm.
You know my name, ba ba ba ba, look up the numberToday I told my students Jack's name, and boy, have they got his number. The course is intro to marketing, and it's required for all second year business students at the university where I teach. This term, this class is made up almost entirely of accounting majors. Talk about a tough audience.
You know my name, look up the number
You, you know, you know my name, baby
You, you know, you know my name*
Me: "Today's topic is market segmentation and targeting."
They're thrilled. I can tell.
There ensues a lecture with lots of boring stuff from the textbook, leading up to this slide:
Me: "I want you to think about the person you imagine wearing this watch, that is, the typical customer. This particular Rolex, by the way, is owned by a friend of mine. I want you to tell me about him."
Student: "He's between the ages of 35 and 45."
Me: "He's a particular person, remember, not an age range. How old is he?"
Student: "37."
Me: "And you're saying he's a man, right, not a woman? In other words, demographic segmentation, specifically gender, is relevant?"
Student: "Well, it's a man's watch."
Me: "True. OK, you're right. His name is Jack, by the way. So tell me more about Jack. What does he do for a living?"
Student: "He's a businessman."
Me: "You mean he owns a business?"
Student: "No, he works for a business."
Me: "Can you be more specific? What kind of work does he do?"
Another student: "He's in sales."
Me: "Good guess! He's a sales engineer for a large software company. Where does he live?"
Student: "In a really nice apartment."
Me: "Where in the world?"
Student: "In Toronto."
Me: "Is geographic segmentation relevant to this product category?"
Student: "No, but the fact that he lives in a big city is relevant to his... personality."
Student: "Psychographics!"
Me: "Excellent! Jack lives in San Francisco, so you're certainly on the right track. What kind of car does he drive?"
Student: "A Lexus!"
Student: "A BMW!"
Student: "A Honda!"
Me: "A Honda?"
Laughter.
Me: "Be specific — don't just give me brand, give me model. Oh, and Jack actually has three cars. Yes, really. What kind of car do you imagine the wearer of this watch to drive?"
Student: "A BMW 5-series."
Me: "Whoa, you are freaking me out! Jack has two BMW's, and one is a 1992 5-series that he is emotionally attached to because he's had it for years. What's the other one?"
Student: "A 7-series?"
Me: "Better..."
Student: "Not an M5!!"
Me: "Oh yes. An M5."
Envious sighs from several boys in the class.
Me: "OK, now the third car spends most of its time in storage. It's not his main car, it's more of a specialty. What is it?"
Student: "A Corvette!"
Student: "An old MG!"
Student: "An old Beetle convertible!"
Me: "I wonder why none of you is saying a Toyota Celica?"
Laughter.
Me: "I'll give you a hint: Remember when we talked about consumer behaviour last week, and I told you the car that is my aspirational goal?"
Many students simultaneously: "A Porsche!"
Me: "Be... specific..."
Three students simultaneously: "Carrera!"
Me: "Amazing! Are you sure you don't know Jack?"
Laughter.
Me: "What else can you tell me about him? Give me some psychographic bases of segmentation."
Student: "He likes to go hiking and stuff like that. You know, an outdoorsy-type. That would be... lifestyle?"
Me: "It's lifestyle, yes. How many of you think Jack lives that sort of lifestyle? That he's the outdoorsy type?"
Student: "No way! He's the kind of person who cares a lot about his surroundings. He lives in a really nice place; probably has a big home theatre setup."
Student: "And a computer, but a really good one, all loaded; the best of everything."
Student: "He's probably into music."
Me: "Interesting. Why do you say that?"
Student: "Because he's your friend."
Laughter. I hear a voice to my right mumble "Green Day", and, barely audible from the left, "Offspring." I am simultaneously thrilled that they are getting the point, and a little scared that they know me too well.
Student: "He's the kind of guy who pays other people to do stuff for him."
Me: "Funny you should say that. He told me a while ago that he sends his laundry out to be done. I don't mean just the drycleaning, I mean everything. Sends it out to someplace, and it gets returned to him all nice and folded."
Murmurs of disbelief that such a thing is possible.
Me: "And you thought I was — what's the word I'm looking for here? — a spendthrift — because I told you I go out of my way to find gas stations where they'll pump the gas for me. Not all consumers are price-sensitive about the same thing. Marketing is about providing customer value, but what the customer deems to be of value is a highly personal decision. It's hard to get into the mind of the consumer. You guys must be mind readers or something. What else do you know about Jack?"
Student: "He's very particular about his appearance. Probably because he works in sales... he's a bit, um <hesitantly>, showy."
Me: "That's OK, you go right ahead and call him a showoff. You know what? I think he'd be OK with that."
Laughter.
I'm just fine with it, myself.
I did not tell my students that the watch is unusually heavy. I did not tell them that I know this because I've held it. Jack never takes his watch off, not even to go surfing. But he did take it off once, in the middle of the night, so as to avoid bonking me in the head with it.
When the class was over the student, a girl, who had hesitantly called Jack a showoff said to me, "He's really good looking, too, isn't he? And probably tall."
I may have blushed, then. I sure hope not, but I think I probably did.
Me: "Now, what makes you say that?"
Student: "Just your voice."
*Postmodern postscript: This song was the B-side of Let It Be.
Go to the next story, in which Sass tries on a meme for size. To find out how Jack got his name (and how Sass got hers), go here. Later, Postmodern Sass is hypnotized by her students, and baffled by their performance on their midterm.
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