I Want You To Want Me

I don't know when I'll see Jack again. Maybe in another six years. Maybe next week. Maybe never. He's going to Mexico City tomorrow, then to St. Kitts & Nevis, then to Rio, then to Australia. His employer, Big Ass American Software Company, wants him to move there.

But first he's going to some place called Nevis, and he doesn't want me to come with him.

I'm trying very hard to understand the reasons, but all I know for sure is it doesn't have anything to do with Mercedeses or BMWs. So that's something.

Or is it? Maybe it's not anything.

Is this anything, Dave?

Cut to the Ed Sullivan Theatre, Broadway and 53rd Street, New York City.

"It's time to play Is This Anything? For those of you who are new to The Late Show, this is how we play. Behind the curtain over there, there's a thing. It could be a magician, or an acrobat, or a guy playing harmonica while riding a unicycle, or a guy in a hat just sitting on the ground. We never know what it'll be, and that's the exciting part of the game we call, Is This Anything? In a minute we'll bring up the curtain and have a look at what's behind it, and then Paul and I will have a short discussion about whatever it is that's going on behind there, and then we'll decide whether or not the thing is anything. Now, it's important to point out that the Grinder Girl and the Hula Hoop Girl are ours; they're not part of the thing that we're going to decide if it's anything. We already know that they're something, and that's why we like to have them on the stage. That's how we play, Is This Anything? I hope I haven't confused you all too much. Are we ready, Paul?"

"A-heh, heh. Ready."

"All right. Bring 'er up, and let's play, Is This Anything?"

The curtain is raised...

"Paul? What do you think, Paul, is this anything?"

"I'm not sure, Dave. What do you think it is? Do you think it's anything?"

"It appears that she wants him to want her."

"That's right, Dave, and from where I'm sitting, it looks like he does."

"I dunno, Paul, I'm not convinced. From where I'm sitting, which isn't that very much different from your perspective — it's the reverse angle, if this were a football game — he not only doesn't want her, but he doesn't want her to want him."

"A-heh, heh, heh!"

"Come on, Paul, he keeps her 3,000 miles away, for Jiminy's sake, and he's considering making it a cool 10,000."

"Maybe he needs her to need him."

"What are you saying, Paul? Are you saying she wants him to want her, and he needs her to need him?"

"Well, I... A-heh, heh, heh!"

"That's not just some cheap trick you're playing there, is it Paul?"

"No, no. I think you've got it right. It's something, it's not nothing. I'm not sure what it is, but it's something."

"So you're saying it's something then? It's something. OK, Paul thinks it's something. I'm not sure yet. Let's review what we've got so far: She wants him to want her. That's pretty clear. And you think he does want her, but he doesn't want her to know that he wants her, or he wants her to think that he doesn't want her, is that it?"

"Right. I think."

"Meanwhile, he needs someone to need him, and she needs him but she doesn't want to need him. Have I got it right on the needing thing, Paul?"

"I think so. I think even though he says he doesn't want anyone to need him, he really needs someone to need him."

"OK, I think I'm gettin' it now. She doesn't want to need anyone, but she needs him, is that what you're saying, Paul?"

"A-heh, heh. Right."

"I'm not convinced that that's anything. He works hard at not allowing anyone to need him, and she works even harder at not allowing herself to need anyone."

"Check."

"They're both very good at it, aren't they, Paul? Now that's definitely something! We'll be right back with Drew Barrymore."
* * *
In the next story, Postmodern Sass introduces us to a new cast of characters, her PhD buddies. Then, she writes Jack a letter.