Smells like anything but
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can imagine the pitch to the record company:
"You all know Paul Anka, of course, and if you don't, your wife or girlfriend does. Women of all ages love Paul. He's had hits in five decades."
This is true. I remember my mother taking me to see him at Ontario Place when I was about nine years old. Lonely Boy. Diana. Puppy Love. Put Your Head On My Shoulder. Most of Donny Osmond's solo hits were Paul Anka songs.
"What are the trends in music today? Well, look at Il Divo. Big band, swing, oldies, are all big right now. What's more retro than an original retro crooner? But here's the kicker: instead of oldies, Paul will be singing rock hits. We'll call it Rock Swings, by Paul Anka. Isn't it great? Why, if Frank were alive today, I bet he'd be doing it himself!"
A pox on you for mentioning The Great One.
"Close your eyes and picture this: Paul Anka covers the greatest hits of the 90s. Oasis. Van Halen. Eye Of The Tiger. Can you dig it?"
As soon as anyone mentions Van Halen and Oasis in the same sentence, the red flags should start waving like crazy. And did you say, Eye Of The Tiger? Excuse me while I close my eyes and vomit.
"It's time for Paul's comeback — not that he ever really left; he's been touring regularly in those five decades — and this time, it'll be for a whole new demographic. The new Paul. Paul the crooner. Paul the rocker. He'll do a tour, he'll do the talk show circuit. He'll do Letterman."
He did Letterman. On Wednesday night. Oh, how I wish it were possible to un-see what once you've seen... but if wishes were horses I'd have a dozen wild mustangs instead of the memory of Paul Anka singing Smells Like Teen Spirit à la Bill Murray's Nick the lounge singer.
* * *
When Sass saw Paul Anka with her mother, the stage at Ontario Place was called The Forum, but in the 1990s Molson built a larger amphitheatre on the same spot. In a couple of weeks, Sass will see James Taylor perform there.
I can imagine the pitch to the record company:
"You all know Paul Anka, of course, and if you don't, your wife or girlfriend does. Women of all ages love Paul. He's had hits in five decades."This is true. I remember my mother taking me to see him at Ontario Place when I was about nine years old. Lonely Boy. Diana. Puppy Love. Put Your Head On My Shoulder. Most of Donny Osmond's solo hits were Paul Anka songs.
"What are the trends in music today? Well, look at Il Divo. Big band, swing, oldies, are all big right now. What's more retro than an original retro crooner? But here's the kicker: instead of oldies, Paul will be singing rock hits. We'll call it Rock Swings, by Paul Anka. Isn't it great? Why, if Frank were alive today, I bet he'd be doing it himself!"
A pox on you for mentioning The Great One.
"Close your eyes and picture this: Paul Anka covers the greatest hits of the 90s. Oasis. Van Halen. Eye Of The Tiger. Can you dig it?"
As soon as anyone mentions Van Halen and Oasis in the same sentence, the red flags should start waving like crazy. And did you say, Eye Of The Tiger? Excuse me while I close my eyes and vomit.
"It's time for Paul's comeback — not that he ever really left; he's been touring regularly in those five decades — and this time, it'll be for a whole new demographic. The new Paul. Paul the crooner. Paul the rocker. He'll do a tour, he'll do the talk show circuit. He'll do Letterman."
He did Letterman. On Wednesday night. Oh, how I wish it were possible to un-see what once you've seen... but if wishes were horses I'd have a dozen wild mustangs instead of the memory of Paul Anka singing Smells Like Teen Spirit à la Bill Murray's Nick the lounge singer.
When Sass saw Paul Anka with her mother, the stage at Ontario Place was called The Forum, but in the 1990s Molson built a larger amphitheatre on the same spot. In a couple of weeks, Sass will see James Taylor perform there.
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