Breathless
I returned from Christmas shopping today, listened to my voice mail messages, and heard this:
"Oh, sure, you're out! I have gossip, and I can't tell anyone here, and I'm bursting; I'm just dying to tell somebody...
[Heavy sigh of frustration.]
"...and you're not home! Arrrgph! You're a safe person I can tell!
[Short pause.]
"Um. All right. Well, never mind, then.
[Pause.]
"It's just that, this guy at work thinks his kid is not his kid, and now he's wondering if his pregnant wife is having somebody else's baby — he let this slip yesterday when a bunch of us were having drinks after work, but no one else heard; he was sitting beside me; and the reason this is particularly juicy is that I know this guy fairly well from work, and I know his wife and she's really nice, and the kid is now, like, two years old and is just this adorable little guy, and the wife's pregnant again and she's due any day and now he's worried that the two year old might not even be his and so he's thinking of getting a DNA test done because they can do that easy now, with just a swab, you don't have to draw blood, so he can do it without the wife ever knowing, so you can see why I had to tell someone, I mean, oh my god, and this is why, like, oh my god I need to share this with somebody who's obviously not going to tell anyone on this island.
[Exhaling.]
"And you're not home!
[Heavy sigh of frustration.]
[Long pause.]
"So, how is your weekend going?"
* * *
In the next story, Postmodern Sass gets another call, but this time she's home, and she answers.
"Oh, sure, you're out! I have gossip, and I can't tell anyone here, and I'm bursting; I'm just dying to tell somebody...
[Heavy sigh of frustration.]
"...and you're not home! Arrrgph! You're a safe person I can tell!
[Short pause.]
"Um. All right. Well, never mind, then.
[Pause.]
"It's just that, this guy at work thinks his kid is not his kid, and now he's wondering if his pregnant wife is having somebody else's baby — he let this slip yesterday when a bunch of us were having drinks after work, but no one else heard; he was sitting beside me; and the reason this is particularly juicy is that I know this guy fairly well from work, and I know his wife and she's really nice, and the kid is now, like, two years old and is just this adorable little guy, and the wife's pregnant again and she's due any day and now he's worried that the two year old might not even be his and so he's thinking of getting a DNA test done because they can do that easy now, with just a swab, you don't have to draw blood, so he can do it without the wife ever knowing, so you can see why I had to tell someone, I mean, oh my god, and this is why, like, oh my god I need to share this with somebody who's obviously not going to tell anyone on this island.
[Exhaling.]
"And you're not home!
[Heavy sigh of frustration.]
[Long pause.]
"So, how is your weekend going?"
In the next story, Postmodern Sass gets another call, but this time she's home, and she answers.
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