Oh, oh, telephone line [redux]

Tim pointed me to an article that detailed the marketing hijinks orchestrated by Simon & Schuster, Stephen King's publishers, to publicize the release of his novel, Cell, which I wrote about the other day.

Not many people think of him this way, but Stephen King is truly a marketing genius. To wit, he has:

• released a book in six segments over six weeks (The Green Mile)


• simultaneously released two books, written under two different names, featuring the same characters but a different version of the story (Desperation and The Regulators)


• written a book that was available only as a download (The Plant)


• written a book that was only available as an e-book (I forget what that one was called, because I downloaded it on my old laptop and never transferred it to my new computer. Never read it, either, because I don't like reading on a screen. I like reading in the bathtub.)


• published a "trailer," if you will, for his next book, in his own handwriting, at the end of his current book (Lisey's Story and Cell, respectively)

And now, with Cell, comes a microsite on which fans can sign up to get a phone call from Stephen King. OK, sure, it's a recording; I mean, it's not like he's going to call every single one of his fans, but still, that's pretty cool, you gotta admit.

Even cooler, and way creepier: You can send The Pulse to a friend. Whoa! Dude, I've read the book! No way am I doing that to my friends! I'm not even sure I want my enemies running around biting the ears off of dogs, eating Twinkies without first removing the plastic wrapper, and playing "You Light Up My Life" all night long on their boomboxes.


I'm already looking at my Nokia with suspicion. You know what they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Because, though to the best of my knowledge The Viking has not bitten the ears off of any dogs since getting his new cell phone, I was not quite so lucky—I did, in fact, sing an abominable version of "Jessie's Girl" last Sunday at Kickass Karaoke. Maybe it was The Pulse. Maybe it was The Viking's game of karaoke roulette. Who can say?


In the next story, Postmodern Sass buys a new toaster. And then it occurs to her that The Viking's cell phone was probably a birthday present.