Chain Of Fools
I love Angela, I really do. She's a Life Coach; my personal life coach. Got her training with that cult in San Francisco, and everything. She gives me advice about Boz, and I make sure the fireplace in her townhouse gets cleaned while she's in Italy.
Remember I told you about the whales? And the chain letter email thing about how Swiffer mops are killing pets?
OK, so, you shouldn't be surprised—and neither was I—that yesterday she sent me this. Via email, all the way from Italy.
The Italian is hers.
The heckling in italics is mine.
---Messaggio Originale---
Da: postmodernsass@gmail.com
A: angela@supereva.it
Data invio: Thu, 28 Feb 2006 16:04:23 -0500
Oggetto: Fw: Fwd: Fwd: Fw: Read Alone - Do Not Delete
scroll, scroll
i am not taking any chances
scroll, scroll
Read Alone.....
Especially the Poem
scroll some more
and some more
I believe whatever God has in store for us will be for us.
Um... OK. Sure. Sounds like a plan.
scroll, scroll
The poem is very true, unfortunately.
scroll, scroll
Make sure you read the poem!
scroll, scroll
CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish,for her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her. Then one day when she was out to lunch David proposed!
So, she missed it, is what you're saying?
She accepted, but then had to leave because she had a meeting in 20 min. When she got to her office, she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's.
You mean e-mails. Or email messages. Not message's.
She checked it, the usual stuff from her friends, but then she saw one that she had never gotten before. It was this poem. She simply deleted it without even reading of it.
If she deleted it without reading it, how did she know what it was?
BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening, she received a phone call from the police. It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident with an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive!
He was cheating on her with an 18 wheeler? OK, but seriously...and the first thing she did was tell the police that she's to blame because she didn't read her spam email?
scroll some more
CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson.
Remember that joke, "Take my wife. Please."
She received this poem and being the believer that she was she sent it to a few of her friends but didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 10 that you must.
How sad for her. Pathetic, really.
Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball.
A masquerade ball? Who the heck goes to a masquerade ball?
Later that night when she left to get to her car, she was killed in that spot by a hit-and-run drunk driver.
When she left to get to her car? And what spot, that spot? This sounds like it was written originally in English, then translated into Italian, then translated into English. By someone whose first language is French. Or perhaps Korean.
CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4 hours later walking along the street to his new job interview with a really big company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him of her passionate crush on him that she had had for 2 years. Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married. Cynthia and Richard are still married with three children, happy as ever!
OK, I'm sold; I'm sending this poem thing to The Viking.
This is the poem:
Finally!
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Awwwwwwwwwwww, how sweet. I think I wrote that in grade three.
Remember to always say what you mean.
What, there's more?
If you love someone, tell them.
scroll, scroll
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
scroll, scroll
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
scroll, scroll
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
scroll, scroll
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
scroll, scroll
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
scroll, scroll
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
scroll, scroll
You must send this on in 3 hours after reading! the letter to 10 other people.
If you do this, you will receive unbelievably good luck in love.
The person that you are most attracted to will soon return to you.
Yeah, sure he will.
If you do not, bad luck will rear its ugly head at you!
OK, OK!
THIS IS NOT A JOKE!
Aw, for fuck's sake, might as well shoot fish in a barrel with a Glock.
You have read the warnings, seen the cases, and the consequences.
Yeah, yeah.
You MUST send this on or face dreadfully bad luck.
Dreadfully bad, eh?
*NOTE* the more people that you send this to, the better luck you will have.
Cool! So I should spam, say, everyone in my address book?
! SMILE, even through your tears!!!!!
Yeah, verily, I shall!!!!!
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.375 / Virus Database: 267.15.2/252 - Release Date: 2/6/2006
Oh, the irony!
* * *
In case you're wondering, Gentle Reader, this was my reply to Angela:
To: angela@supereva.it
From: postmodernsass@gmail.com
Subject: Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd...
So, are you saying I should tell Boz I have a crush on him?
Or just forward this email message to him?
* * *
Next, it's another chorus of "Working for the Weekend". Little does Sass know she has, in fact, been cursed because she didn't take the chain letter seriously. In less than 48 hours, her phone will be cut off by her vindictive X.
Remember I told you about the whales? And the chain letter email thing about how Swiffer mops are killing pets?
OK, so, you shouldn't be surprised—and neither was I—that yesterday she sent me this. Via email, all the way from Italy.
The Italian is hers.
The heckling in italics is mine.
---Messaggio Originale---
Da: postmodernsass@gmail.com
A: angela@supereva.it
Data invio: Thu, 28 Feb 2006 16:04:23 -0500
Oggetto: Fw: Fwd: Fwd: Fw: Read Alone - Do Not Delete
scroll, scroll
i am not taking any chances
scroll, scroll
Read Alone.....
Especially the Poem
scroll some more
and some more
I believe whatever God has in store for us will be for us.
Um... OK. Sure. Sounds like a plan.
scroll, scroll
The poem is very true, unfortunately.
scroll, scroll
Make sure you read the poem!
scroll, scroll
CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish,for her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her. Then one day when she was out to lunch David proposed!
So, she missed it, is what you're saying?
She accepted, but then had to leave because she had a meeting in 20 min. When she got to her office, she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's.
You mean e-mails. Or email messages. Not message's.
She checked it, the usual stuff from her friends, but then she saw one that she had never gotten before. It was this poem. She simply deleted it without even reading of it.
If she deleted it without reading it, how did she know what it was?
BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening, she received a phone call from the police. It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident with an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive!
He was cheating on her with an 18 wheeler? OK, but seriously...and the first thing she did was tell the police that she's to blame because she didn't read her spam email?
scroll some more
CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson.
Remember that joke, "Take my wife. Please."
She received this poem and being the believer that she was she sent it to a few of her friends but didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 10 that you must.
How sad for her. Pathetic, really.
Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball.
A masquerade ball? Who the heck goes to a masquerade ball?
Later that night when she left to get to her car, she was killed in that spot by a hit-and-run drunk driver.
When she left to get to her car? And what spot, that spot? This sounds like it was written originally in English, then translated into Italian, then translated into English. By someone whose first language is French. Or perhaps Korean.
CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4 hours later walking along the street to his new job interview with a really big company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him of her passionate crush on him that she had had for 2 years. Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married. Cynthia and Richard are still married with three children, happy as ever!
OK, I'm sold; I'm sending this poem thing to The Viking.
This is the poem:
Finally!
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Awwwwwwwwwwww, how sweet. I think I wrote that in grade three.
Remember to always say what you mean.
What, there's more?
If you love someone, tell them.
scroll, scroll
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
scroll, scroll
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
scroll, scroll
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
scroll, scroll
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
scroll, scroll
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
scroll, scroll
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
scroll, scroll
You must send this on in 3 hours after reading! the letter to 10 other people.
If you do this, you will receive unbelievably good luck in love.
The person that you are most attracted to will soon return to you.
Yeah, sure he will.
If you do not, bad luck will rear its ugly head at you!
OK, OK!
THIS IS NOT A JOKE!
Aw, for fuck's sake, might as well shoot fish in a barrel with a Glock.
You have read the warnings, seen the cases, and the consequences.
Yeah, yeah.
You MUST send this on or face dreadfully bad luck.
Dreadfully bad, eh?
*NOTE* the more people that you send this to, the better luck you will have.
Cool! So I should spam, say, everyone in my address book?
! SMILE, even through your tears!!!!!
Yeah, verily, I shall!!!!!
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.375 / Virus Database: 267.15.2/252 - Release Date: 2/6/2006
Oh, the irony!
In case you're wondering, Gentle Reader, this was my reply to Angela:
To: angela@supereva.it
From: postmodernsass@gmail.com
Subject: Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd...
So, are you saying I should tell Boz I have a crush on him?
Or just forward this email message to him?
Next, it's another chorus of "Working for the Weekend". Little does Sass know she has, in fact, been cursed because she didn't take the chain letter seriously. In less than 48 hours, her phone will be cut off by her vindictive X.
7 Comments:
I shall await either the news of your engagement, subsequent marriage and arrival of three children, or the news of your perishing in a terrible car accident.
I shall be smiling! through my tears.
Just don't make me one of the other obligatory nine recipients on your quest for eternal happiness through spam.
Otherwise, keep me updated.
Unless it's the perishing in a terrible car accident thing that Tracy Lynn mentioned.
I'd understand if you didn't post then.
(Time for a blogatrix perhaps?)
Unless it's the perishing in a terrible car accident thing that Tracy Lynn mentioned.
I'd understand if you didn't post then.
I sense a wonderful if gruesome business model here, because I too have thought how tragic it would be if I died and my blog simply sat there and gathered dust, with nobody to tell my multitudes of reader (sic) that I'd fallen off the perch.
We should establish a "Last Words" power-of-editor type blog service, to post a final message on a person's blog after their death. I imagine a modest subscription fee would be fair. I'll do the software side; Sass, care to take the marketing?
Thus the blogatrix (or rather blogcutrix) reference. The idea was once addressed here.
Awwww, this won't allow me to put in a picture.
So, imagaine, if you will, I picture of the evil little girl from "The Ring" to accompany my oh-so-clever comment of:
"SEVEN DAYS!"
Ok, so here's how anal I am: when I had to make out my will, because of all the stupid kidney failure stuff, I put in it that my brother had to post my pre-written death notice on my blog. I update it every so often, when I think of something amusing to put in it. Then I codecil it in.
He has to leave it up for X days before deleting the blog.
It's a substitute for the original idea of making my corpse sit up suddenly at the funeral.
I always, always hit reply to all. That's my 10, 15, 25 people that I need to hit.
Email mission accomplished.
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