This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

"Detroit!" exclaimed Natasha, my fourth year advertising student, after the furor of the press conference had died down and the reporters from the local ABC and Fox affiliates, who'd been interviewing my three students for the last hour had left. She wasn't exclaiming with excitement. There was noticeable dismay in her voice.

"Yeah. 8-mile. Eminem. I am so not down with that," agreed Louisa, the youngest member of the team of students who'd just been told they are finalists in a national advertising competition, and will be flown to Detroit this weekend to present their campaign idea to the marketing executives at one of the Big Three auto makers.

There ensued a brief period of tomfoolery during which the girls continued to mock Eminem. If you've never seen a curly-haired Hispanic girl and a model-thin exotic Russian acting like homeboys, let me tell you, Gentle Reader, you don't know what you're missing.

"What should we bring?" asked Ryan, the rock star of the team. "I mean, what do we wear in Detroit? It'll be cold there, won't it?"

Ryan is 25, tall and blond, and every female between 15 and 50 watching the reality show ABC will air about this competition will be rooting for him. He has a star quality about him, but without the slightest hint of asshole.

"Oh god," sighed Natasha again, "I don't even own a winter coat. We're going to freeze to death!"

"Look, don't worry," I explained, trying to calm them down. You'd think they'd just been told they'd be climbing Mount Everest. "First of all, we're not going to be outside much. Second, Detroit in October will be like San Jose in January. You'll need a coat, but it won't be snowing."

"Oh, good," joked Louisa, "So I won't have to go out and buy that fur coat after all!"

"Wait until you win the contest. Maybe they'll give you one as a prize," I said. I was kidding, but I think she thought I was being serious. "Leave the flip-flops at home. Bring a variety of shoes and clothes — we don't know exactly what they have planned for us. But like I said, it won't be snowing. You won't need boots."

Natasha was wearing a camisole top, a pink skirt, and Uggs. Why beautiful young California girls do this to themselves, I will never comprehend.

"If you have the time and resources between now and Friday morning, go shopping." I continued. "Buy yourself an outfit that you would wear to the most important job interview of your life — because that's what this is. And even though we'll be in Detroit all weekend, we likely won't have any time to shop there."

Natasha howled with laughter at this. "Oh yeah, shopping in Detroit! What am I gonna buy there, a leather outfit?"

I was taken aback by the sheer force of the derision in her voice. But it was understandable. After all, how could Detroit possibly compare to San Jose when it comes to shopping opportunities?

"Listen to me, all of you," I said, and I waited until they quieted down. "One thing I can absolutely guarantee you will come of this experience: You will get job offers. Natasha, Ryan, you're both graduating in the spring. You want to work in advertising. You're going to one of the largest cities in the country, the headquarters of the auto industry. An incredible opportunity has presented itself to you. Be aware of that, and keep that in mind with every person you meet on this trip."

"Motor city!" This time it was Louisa who burst out laughing. She's a freshman. She hasn't yet begun to think about a career. "Yeah, that's just where I want to go. Right! Like it's the center of the advertising world."

I gave up, for the time being. I remember being 25, don't you, Gentle Reader? We knew everything then. It's such a tragedy, getting old and stupid.


But I learned something yesterday, myself, from the experience of organizing a press conference in my classroom, and being followed by a reality show camera crew all day.

When you go into the ladies' room, turn off the lavalier.

Next, Sass and the taxi driver bust into a frat house.