Tomorrow Never Comes
Have you ever had something important that you absolutely needed to do, no getting around it, no way out of it, and yet, despite your knowing you needed to do it you actively avoided doing it? Procrastinated shamefully, even? For weeks?You keep saying you'll do it tomorrow, and then again tomorrow, and then again and again, but tomorrow never comes.
It's a special kind of self-sabotage. (Jack would be so proud, he's the master.) Like, in the back of your head there's a little voice saying, you know if you don't do X, Y will happen, and you know Y is a very bad thing, and still you don't do X. It's as though secretly you're hoping Y will happen, so then at least it will be over with. Or, in my case, maybe I'm just scared that if I do X, I will fail, and then something worse than Y will happen.
No, my blog is not X, and losing you, Gentle Reader, is not Y, but I've not been here to tell you stories because the equation is further complicated by the guilt of blogging when I should be doing X.
What brings me back today is the thought that you might be thinking that the reason I haven't been writing stories lately is because of what happened with Jack, and just the thought of that thought was enough to drive me with great speed back to the keyboard.
Meanshile, I've been going to Pilates classes once a week, twice a week when I can. I find it a terrific way to zen. And to avoid doing X.
5 Comments:
I know the feeling. I cleaned the aquarium this week, even though I have a pile of billing on my desk worth $3K that will be too late to bill in less than a week. *blink*
*beats head on wall and looks for another way to procrastinate*
Intimately familiar with the phenonmenon you're describing, I've come to think that the avoidance of X is almost a thrill-seeking of a sort; that I'll cut the line as close as I can to the repercussions of Y as possible, simply because doing X is less desireable than skirting the dangers of Y.
Or maybe it's just an all-too-human f*ck you to X for being put in the position of having to do it in the first place. Strange creatures, we are, that way.
Sometimes I think we share the same brain and I fear for you, I really do.
It must be soemthing in the air, I've been horrible about paying my bills in a timely fashion lately.
(nods sadly and wisely) Been there, done that, regretted the hell out of it.
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