My Hero, Zero
One night last spring Monica, Nadine, and I were sitting on Nadine's fabulous patio, the one that overlooks the courtyard, and is so much nicer than mine, which overlooks the chicken place where the students hang out, when Nadine started telling us about a friend of hers who'd recently married a millionaire she met online. Some site called Millionaire Match, or something like that, Nadine wasn't sure.
You can probably guess what happened next, Gentle Reader. That's right, I signed up. Heck, it's free to browse them millionaires, and they, the millionaires, almost all of whom are men, of course, have to initiate communication, because they're the ones paying to be advertised, so to speak.
I spent a couple of hours browsing, had a couple of "winks" (and you thought Facebook was moronic), but nothing materialized storywise, never mind date-wise. Until now. I got this email today:
Other than deleting his last name (yes, he included it), I haven't altered so much as a comma in his message.
By the way, doesn't Kelvin mean absolute zero?
You can probably guess what happened next, Gentle Reader. That's right, I signed up. Heck, it's free to browse them millionaires, and they, the millionaires, almost all of whom are men, of course, have to initiate communication, because they're the ones paying to be advertised, so to speak.
I spent a couple of hours browsing, had a couple of "winks" (and you thought Facebook was moronic), but nothing materialized storywise, never mind date-wise. Until now. I got this email today:
My Name is Kelvin and i am 46 of age i am a Polish American by nationallity and i seek to find the love of my live.. Having gone through your profile i find it really cool and i decided to email you peharps we could have a chance to get along and who knows where it could lead us to.
For Me true love must be characterised by honesty and sincerity and the foundation must be build on Trust and with the help of God we could make this work..
I am a Building Engineer by Profession and i love my Job.. I am sure you love your Job as well. For me i am Honest and Sincere and i possess a great sense of humor. I would love that you write me back it is my very first time on this dating stuff and i hope i find my soulmate soon enough.
I did prefer that you email me at my private Email dontplaykelivn1@yahoo.com so we could have a good conversation and also use the Instant Messenger.
God Bless you and i hope to read from you soon
Kisses and Hugs
K.
http://www.MillionaireMatch.com/user_details?user=Kelvinisgreat
Other than deleting his last name (yes, he included it), I haven't altered so much as a comma in his message.
By the way, doesn't Kelvin mean absolute zero?
Labels: girl friends, life in California
9 Comments:
Actually, Kelvin is a measuring unit for temperature. 0 Kelvin is absolute zero.
Kelvin is a unit of measure. Zero Kelvin is absolute zero, whereas your Kelvin is at least a one followed by six absolute zeros.
Poor rich Kelvin. He's doing the best he can with what he has.
You nerds. Can't see the jokes for the semantics, but still, I adore you.
Dude. *snicker*
If he is an engineer, why can't he write properly?
Kelvin is not only a zero, but a lying zero !
Looks like Kelvin needs to review capitalization rules ;)
OMG. You're so anti-semantic.
I'm sure Kelvin wrote this with the help of his friends Ben Coroma and Buffy, the girl who's always attracted by my online profiles...
And to think that men will actually pay out real money in their quest to get laid. Who knew?
My favorite statistic from the Freakonomics book was the one taken from the Yahoo! Personals study. Apparently in their online profiles men typically inflate their earnings by about 10% and women deflate their dress size by about the same amount.
Andrew.
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